Separation or divorce, even if done in a friendly way, require a reorganization of daily life that brings some difficulties. The changes that will take place will have an impact on children. Children usually do not like change. Thus, they may suffer silently or loudly (not all children react in the same way) wanting to believe that their parents will change their mind and be together again. That’s why it is important for parents to talk and explain to their children, as well as to be with them in the separation process for a smoother transition.
Parents need to prepare their children for separation or divorce. Regardless of the age of the children, it is important to give them some information about this change that is taking place in their lives. Each parent can talk about separation in their own way and the children are able to understand.
Parents have an obligation to explain to children that:
- Each parent individually has their own personal experiences that made them decide to divorce. The parents divorce because they can no longer live together.
- Divorce is obtained by the parents and not the children. Children can not do anything.
- We can not force both parents to live together, not even for the sake of the children. Even if one of them did not want it.
- It is better for parents to separate than to constantly argue.
- Parents do not stop loving their children.
- Children are not obliged to choose one of the two parents.
- When parents find it difficult to communicate, they can turn to a judge. Parents should explain to children what parental care means, the days they will spend with both parents, etc.
- Children can see the parent with whom they do not live every day and maintain relationships with the whole family.
- Is normal:
- Children can tell their parents that they disagree on some issues.
- The parents will rebuild their lives and possibly have more children.
- It is important for children not to hold on to things that hurt them and that they do not understand.
It is important that parents relieve their children of any responsibility for the separation. It is also important that parents do not carry cross-class messages, messages about financial issues, but also general messages about issues that put children in a difficult position. Finally, parents need to understand that children need to love both parents and keep their image in mind unaffected.
Registered School / Educational Psychologist (Registration Number 423)